if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It was confusing and full of hummus
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
