Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
