I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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