but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
