i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
