Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
