so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
well you can't waste a boner
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
