I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
