Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
