somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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