Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
