dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize