Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
