went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
sex in a hospital.. check
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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