I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
