god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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