I CAN MOONWALK!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
