nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
