absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize