another moral hangover. fuck.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize