she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
