I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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