The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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