He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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