I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
