I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she told me i tasted like america
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
