It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
