It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
