idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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