I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i barfeds in our rink
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
