I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
