And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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