Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
