I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
