I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
