i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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