we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
