he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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