I think my fart just growled at me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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