and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
