I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
