dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
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