I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
