operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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