HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
