ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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