Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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