Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
