I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
