Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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